On the axis of time everything changes in form, intensity or concentration due to numerous external factors which are either new or have also been transformed on the axis of time. One discussion which we often have amongst our group of friends is the metamorphism our friendship has undergone due to some of us having tied the nuptial knot. When none of us were married, most of the things were easy going. All the misunderstandings due to what-so-ever reason between two friends would fade away with time. While cracking a joke at someone else's expense, one need not think of it twice. Nobody took the thoughts back to brood over for long and hence differences were little.
But fact of the matter is that change is something which is inevitable. One will get married and there will be the extra factor in form of spouse which will come in life and amongst friends. No body wants to loose friends, neither you nor your spouse. Now when extra constraints are there due to changes in life post marriage, extra effort is required to thrive at the same level amongst friends. Very minimal misunderstandings which if involves your spouse, can grow up to become serious differences because it's your duty to safeguard the dignity of someone who has come into your life leaving everything behind. Then ego creeps up and prevents us from making the move waiting for the other person to call upon. And this is the classic way of distancing. Time cements the distance in such a manner that it becomes very difficult to melt it.
So, what's the remedy here? We should be ready to accept the change. One thing which I believe we should do is restrain and maintain healthy distance.
It is better in my view to have a thriving friendship than to let it go to a level where one does not see eye to eye. Because when we will grow old and think about the mistakes made in life, few such mistakes will look really silly to have been committed. But we will not be able to change anything as on the axis of time everything changes in form, intensity or concentration.

Reminiscence

One of the earliest memories of my childhood is the day when I was rambling, "tappal ul raha hai" (Hindi. Roughly translated : slippers are flying around). I was around 3 then and everybody around grew worried that something has gone terribly wrong. I was taken to a doctor and he asked my mom if I had drank or eaten something. Mother was not sure about it. Doc said that I would be fine in few hours and gave some med for consoling my mom. Later on they discovered that I had drank half a bottle of my grandma's cough syrup and due to the alcohol content, I was feeling dizzy and hence the blurred vision resulted in "tappal ul raha hai". Now I feel that it proved my love for things that taste good ;-).

Most of my early years were spent in Government quarters in Patna as my grandfather was working in public sector enterprise. The area where we lived, Shastri Nagar, was well planned and laid out. Wide roads cut each other at right angle and ample play grounds in the neighbourhood which I do not see in the big cities now where space comes at a premium. During autumn or spring season, I would notice birds of all types sitting on the electric wires early morning and making all sorts of noises. Their nests used to be on the poles supporting the wires. I wondered why the crows or the mainas or the sparrows do not get electrocuted due to high tension wire. They would sit in line on the wire and would fight for places. It felt as if they are having some assembly meeting early morning and would be deciding about important affairs and tasks to be done during the day. Then would see flocks of birds flying down in the same direction at dusk and it would make me feel that they have done their job for the day and are returning back home.

Back then I played all the stupid games along with the kids in the neighbourhood, be it "denga-pani", "gulli-danda", "lali", "running with the cycle tyre", "pitto (7 times)", "looka-chhipi" (I-Spy), "some poshampa stuff", "cheel-jhapti", "dakia bhai dakia" , "kanche (marbles)", "kabaddi", "budhiya kabaddi", "sikdi (chain)", "vish-amrit","chor-sipahi" to name a few. Don't know what today's kids play or what my progenies will play. They will not have time from TV, video games and homework to try their hands at all these games. I believe they will scoff at me if I would give them some rotten cycle tyre and a stick from the guava tree to balance the tyre while running. Then ofcourse I would play other games like cricket in summers and winters, football when it rained (because cricket was not possible then), TT in school, badminton on winter nights, carrom during rainy season, chess, Ludo etc.

Life was so simple and fun. Egos were like bubble which would burst any time and we would be friends again. Worries constituted of when I would go out to play. Why is it raining when it's time to play ? Only shuttle which we bought from pooled in money broke and would have to pack nets and lights because we did not have enough pocket money to buy another shuttle that day. How much we pooled ? One rupee. Would be happy when uncles who played club cricket would give us the cricket ball, seam of which would have broken and cork from inside would be bulging out. Happiness was so easy to come by over simple things. As years have gone by and knowledge has increased, happiness is hard to find or to put it this way, heart has started thinking to be happy !!!

Money matters

Money matters ... yes it does !! Till few months ago, I was of the very idealistic and stupid notion that money is not the prime thing in life. But after having removed the blinkers, I have started believing that money does matter. Take for example, a relationship between man and wife. I have seen in numerous cases that if over a period of time the earning power of the man deteriorates (what so ever be the reason), the respect he earns from the wife or his progenies also deteriorates.
In my adoloscent years, I had read an article in a magazine about the important role of M-Factor ( Money Factor ) in a marital relationship. With my tendency to counter most of the things in life and the love for an argument, I said money is not the prime thing to make a marriage successful but love is. But how many marriages in this country are effected by the cause of love. Most of them are arranged with the wishful thinking that love will happen. I feel its quite sensible to believe that post-marital love takes time to nurture as two individuals who do not know each other are made to live under one roof. So to get the love of this unknown woman, what does a man have to do? Satisfy the demand for the supply. What is the demand of a woman or need of a woman? I am not a big expert on this but partly I feel, a woman needs someone who can make her feel safe, provide stability and doesn't let the supplies dry out. In stone age years, safety was from predators and in today's times it is from an uncertain future. And all the three require money.
In today's age people do not respect you for the knowledge which you possess or how good a person you are but for the material wealth which is at your disposal. In India, you got a car... people look at you with respect. You have your house in a big metro, you got some more respect. You go to switzerland, mauritius or south-east Asian countries for vacation, some more respect thrown in. Now this is the system in which you have to live and since everyone desires respect, you got to earn big time and possess the entities which bring respect along with them. And it all boils down to the M-factor. Your M-factor is small, don't worry !! There is debt market ... start adding the debt baggages and start feeling the weight of it... Welcome to life boy .. the real one ... it bites !!!